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Lovesick by ~InsatiableAddict:iconInsatiableAddict:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Fixed


I've got fever,
chills...
she's infected me with ills.
I'm a believer,
that I need her,
more than therapy or pills.

I've got aches,
pains...
my thoughts seem re-arranged.
Wracked with shakes,
from my mistakes,
to let her go, I was insane.
©2007-2009 ~InsatiableAddict
:iconinsatiableaddict:

Author's Comments

most of us feel it at one time or another

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconcrucifiedxxxlust:
~crucifiedxxxlust Nov 15, 2007, 11:37:34 AM
I think it;s a bit too simplistic....the images and ideas are good but i think u need to work with the language a bit

--
<<Strangers have the best candy>>


~AngstyWriters
:iconinsatiableaddict:
~InsatiableAddict Nov 15, 2007, 11:58:04 AM
Point taken. Being a simple man myself, however, I find simple speak works best for me. That said, I can see where a couple of changes might give the poem a deeper feel.

--
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
:iconcrucifiedxxxlust:
~crucifiedxxxlust Nov 15, 2007, 12:01:56 PM
i didnt say u should write it in some sort of old shapespearean language...no...not in any "hahhaa ive got a wonderful vocabulary suck on that u cant understand it unless uve memorized the dictionary! " sort of thing...just a different verse structure...or something . just my thought :D

--
<<Strangers have the best candy>>


~AngstyWriters
:iconinsatiableaddict:
Mood: Thanks ~InsatiableAddict Nov 15, 2007, 12:39:04 PM
It's a good idea. I find myself struggling with structure at times. I appreciate your feedback.:thanks:

--
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
:iconcrucifiedxxxlust:
~crucifiedxxxlust Nov 15, 2007, 1:34:07 PM
i hope it was of some help. i think it was a bit better than "nice: or whatever

--
<<Strangers have the best candy>>


~AngstyWriters
:iconeulalie:
~Eulalie Nov 15, 2007, 2:04:12 PM
Well I think you're both wrong and that this poem was written strictly with me in mind and heart.

I think next time though my dear, you could use a little more about my lovely ass!
:icondeadrosesgrow:
~deadrosesgrow Nov 15, 2007, 5:23:54 PM
yes the sickness of love

--
Black rose your thorns are cutting into me
Every time I held you I knew that it would hurt
Black rose your thorns are cutting into me for the last time
:icondaemani:
~daemani Nov 19, 2007, 4:26:43 PM
just wanted to put in my 2 cents... i like this one simple. though that it may be, its still very strong. nice work
:iconinsatiableaddict:
~InsatiableAddict Nov 20, 2007, 8:16:17 AM
Thank you. Much appreciated.

--
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
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